I Should Win the 'Most Forgetful Blogger EVER' award

Yes. I forgot to blog twice last week. And once this week. And this is the first time I've even thought about it!
I blame Rick Riordan. I was reading The Last Olympian.
See, usually I have a pretty passive relationship with reading. But when I start a book that I really like, I will cut off most other activities and just read. I did this with the Hunger Games as well (it took me less than two days to read that book). And so, with the final installment of the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series in hand, I forgot about blogging.
That doesn't excuse last Monday, though. Oh well. I'll find an excuse for Monday later. And then I'll find an excuse for not finding and excuse for Monday now.
Anyway, forgetfulness is not my only reason for posting.

THIS is my other reason. Now, I would've uploaded a photo of myself to show you my beard and 'stache (which can only be seen with microscopic vision) but I forgot. And so I will accept this...this insult, from Scott of Ergo Humour. I swear, if a blogospheric war ever breaks out, I'm joining the side he's not on.
Anyway, apparently the package comes with instructions.
I. Thank the person who insulted you. Or 'awarded' you. Whichever you prefer to call it. Thank you, Scott. Does this mean you have to thank me for the assassin I just sent for you?
II. Place the logo on your blog. I did that. And no small amount of internal conflict preceded that decision, believe me.
III. Link to your nemesis. Unless your nemesis didn't give you this award. In that case, link to the person who gave you the 'award.'
IV. List up to six outrageous lies about yourself and at least one outrageous truthful account. Very well. Excuse me for a second while I breathe deeply and switch into outrageous liar mode (Oh yes, there's a mode) 1) I have actually painted myself with woad and charged naked (Picts ftw, baby!) at people.
2) I own four swords ranging from the mid ninteenth century to the early twentieth century, and have wounded myself on accident with all of them.
3) I once filled my own nostrils with plumbers putty.
4) I once filled someone else's nostrils with plumber's putty.
5) I have actually plotted out a plan to take over the world using plumber's putty.
6) I have seriously considered editing the Wikipedia article on Plumber's putty to include that people sometimes use plumbers putty to seal their nostrils, or, more rarely, take over the world.
7) I have used moldy donuts as weapons.
8) I have killed small woodland creatures just to try and teach the attracted ravens to say 'Nevermore.'
9) Plumber's putty.
Anyway, I'm having too much fun with that lying business (but there are several truth's mixed in there) so I'll continue.
Next on the list of instructions:
V. Insult seven other bloggers by calling them bald-faced liars. Alrighty.
1) Zella at Zella Kate and Grammatically Motivated.
2) Kevin at Crazy and Crazier Thoughts of Kevin.
3) Arnorris at The Norris Ranch.
4) Mercwriter at Merc Rants.
5) Plumber's putty.
6) Plumbers.
7) Putty.
Those last three were because A) I love plumber's putty, and B) Most of you have been tagged already anyway!

(Please remember to vote on the poll at the bottom of the page, by the by)

Awards!

Yes...hmmm...well, I got this award, which tells me I'm over the top, from Scott of Ergo Humor.

Well, here's the schedule of the day: first off, thank you, Scott! I would give an acceptance speech but my dog ate it (wink wink nudge nudge).

Second, as per instructions which come with the award, I have to answer all these strange questions about myself and how over-the-top I am with one word, and then I'll be nominating a few lucky followers for the award! Isn't that exciting???!! WOWOWOOOHHHOO!!!!

Your cell phone: Huge.

Your hair: Flaming.
Your mother: Motherly.
Your father: Fatherly
Your favorite food: Salmonellaburgers
Your dream last night: Salmonellaburgers
Your favorite drink: Malk.
Your dream goal: Fame (for my writing...or at least recognition for my writing)
What room are you in: None
Your hobby: Hobby-making
Your fear: Grandma
Where do you see yourself in six years: Writing
Where were you last night: Asleep.
Something you aren't: Grandma
Muffins: Wonderful.
Wish list item: Laptop
Where did you grow up: Stalker.
Last thing you did: Sat.
What are you wearing: Nothingggg!!!!!
Your TV: Crater.
Your pets: Demoncats
Your friends: Alive.
Your life: Great.
Your mood: Creeped.
Missing someone: Rarely.
Vehicle: None
Something you aren't wearing: Hat.
Your favorite store: WALMART!
Your favorite color: Red.
When was the last time you laughed: Yesteryear
Last time you cried: Yesteryear
Your best friend: Jesus Christ
One place you go to over and over: WALMART!
Facebook: NEVERRRRRR!
Favorite place to eat: WALMART!

Okay, so now, as per instructions yet again, I have to think up five people to give this award to...

Merc, at Merc Rants, because she's evilly over-the-top.

Paul, at Complications. No reason needed. He is.

Martha, at Skyewriting and Musings, because anyone who still blogs thrice a week when they have MS is over the top. And plus she would be over the top anyway.

Amber, at The Norris Ranch, same as Paul. She is purely over the top.

Krista at Krista D. Ball's Zombie Free Blog, because she is prepared for the zombies.

Anyway, happy awarding time to ye all!