Oh No...

I forgot to blog on Firday! I'm spelling it wrong and missing my garmar I'm that distrawt!

I'm so sorry! I woke up this morning and thought "Hey, today's Friday, I'm going to blo--Holy Crow! Wait! It's SATTTUUUUURRRRDAAAAYYYY!" and then I choked on my own bile and fell backwards, hitting my head on my antique 3rd century cudgel--which has a nail through it--and got a concussion and suffered a debilitating brain aneurysm which killed me.

Okay, so I didn't have a concussion or an aneurysm, but I was mourning! I wrote my own dirge and mapped out where I wanted my barrow to be, I was so fearful what you guys would do to me. THIS WAS THE SECOND TIME IN A ROW!

There was a river of my tears flowing through the house, and dragons flying about, created from the mournful farts I loosed.

THE SECOND TIME!

I had never forgotten twice in a row! I was sure the blood of my veins and arteries would spill and create a great pool and you, my vengeful murderers would swim in it leisurely while snacking on my heart. I knew my head would soon be on a pole, being waved around while a rite was performed to make sure my soul burned in the seventh circle of hell forever.

And then I logged on, my hands shaking and my eyes watering in anticipation of my rightful slaughter, and I saw you all just crying.

Crying. No double-headed flails readied to bludgeon me, no mystic enchantresses slaughtering goats on stone altars in preparation for slaughtering me.

I would have been disappointed if I weren't so glad to still be alive.

I'm so sorry! I forgot!

You see, unlike Scott, I am not really on the carousel of busyness (well, maybe on the outlying regions, like the rooster) but on the carousel of forgetfulness and disorientation. I don't often wake up on friday and think "Okay, today's Friday, I'm going to blog." or sometimes I do, but by the time I have breakfast those thoughts are forgotten. I'm working on getting off the CFD! I am! I really am! But I'm on the ostrich. And the ostrich is eight feet tall. So it's not exactly easy.

By the by, do you like the new template?

Oh, and, um, *Squirms* remember I said I was going to have the first drawing of the week up this week? Haha, hahahah, umm, haahaha, um, how about next week?

Root Canal!

Hi everyone. I'm so sorry I forgot to blog!

I had a root canal.

I was planning to blog about it on Friday, but I forgot. Then I planned to blog about it on Saturday. And forgot. And if I were to post it on Sunday it would only be up for one day, so I figured it wasn't worth it.

So this weekend I have been silent. But now that the week is starting I am not anymore.

The root canal wasn't nearly so bad as I had thought it was going to be, though. It didn't live up to any of the horror stories that you hear (you hear them when you're going to get one, anyway).

The worst part was probably when they said they were going to use an 'electrosurge' to cauterize the tissue. Saw smoke and smelt burning. But I didn't feel anything.

I couldn't feel anything in my lower face for several hours. You could have slapped me and I wouldn't have felt anything. You could have flayed my lips off and I wouldn't have felt anything. I'd never felt anything remotely like picking someone else's nose before...but now I think I know what it would be like.

And so the moral of the story is...don't fear the root canal! Fear the ninjas that will flay your lips off while you sleep.

Again, really sorry for not blogging! I don't think I've ever been so unfaithful to my poor blog.

Things to Ponder--Things to Ponder

How am I ever going to think up a blog post today?

Yep. That's what I'm pondering right about now. And it doesn't help that my brain wants a vacation for this week. I guess I might make one up as I go along...

--PREPARE FOR STUPIDITY--

I think the main reason I can never think up a blog post when I want to is because of the evil laughter I keep hearing, ringing in my ears. You know of tinnitis? Well, it's sort of like that. Except instead of ringing, I hear laughter. Evil laughter. And I have no idea why. Maybe it's because I'm always laughing evilly, but I really doubt it. Highly improbable, don't you know.

I also see strange images of a person who I cannot recognize, but looks extremely familiar, whenever I enter the bathroom. He appears on these odd-shaped sheets of reflective material that I see every time I walk into a restroom. I can't quite recognize his face, but I know I've seen him before. He mocks me, mimicking my movements and mouthing every word I say. It's terrible! And he's always laughing evilly, too. I don't know why.

This is having a terribly detrimental effect on my blogging. I simply cannot go on! Maybe I should stop going to the bathroom. Although that would be hard. And potentially very disgusting. I know! I'll blindfold myself whenever I'm going to go into a bathroom! Maybe I'll mimick him mimicking me! Ooh. But that could get complicated. Then he'd mimick me mimicking him mimicking me. And that wouldn't really make any sense.

A Not-So-Wonderful Announcement

Greetings, all ye who follow. I have an announcement to make.

In the last few weeks, since I introduced the thrice-a-week posting schedule, I have noticed two things:

1) A steady decrease in comments on posts.

2) A steady decrease in the quality of the posts [in my opinion, anyway]

3) Practically no increase in followers.

Therefore, this has led me to conclude that I cannot keep on with this schedule. It's just too tiresome to keep up, with zero benefits.

While I could never again give up blogging weekly, I'm afraid we're going to do away with the Wednesday post (not Quailzilla, mind you, just posting on Wednesdays). Posting will continue, however, on Mondays and Fridays. This is the final Wednesday post. And hopefully this will give me a little more time to rejuvenate from being burnt out by this schedule. So the thrice-a-week schedule is cancelled until further notice. I may bring it back, someday. But not any time soon.

That is all. Hope I didn't put a damper on anyone's day except for mine.

My Country 'Tis of Thee...

...Sweet land of Nerdity,

Of thee I sing;

Land wher noob pplz died,

Land of the gamers pride,

From every mountainside

Let nerdiness ring!

How many ways can you spell it? Nerd, nurd, knurd, gnurd! Our country is rapidly turning into a nerd nation (or, perhaps, knurd knation). Everywhere you look you see braces, glasses, and acne! And bacne, too, except you can't see that. Nerds practically rule America, and we can do nothing to stop it!

A distressing turn of events has been leading up to this post; France has offered to give us a new statue to replace the Statue of Liberty (her name, "Lady Nerdity" pictured to the side), the newest Blockbuster is entitled "Planet of the Nerds," and the new urban fantasy bestseller(Nerdlight, by Stefan E. Myer)--featuring Dwilla Wan and Ned Woolen--is about how a teenage girl goes to a weird little town in tenessee somewhere and falls in love with a nerd!

The Ku Klux Klan has even changed their policies and now not only lynch black peoples, but nerds as well.

Dark times, these, for I, too, am a nerd, and I fear for my life. It used to be that nerds were a few, elect people, and now they cover the nation. I was born a nerd, and I believe the huge expansion of nerds nationwide has brought this upon us. Whatever happened to we few, we happy few, we band of nerdy brothers(speech given by King Nerdy V before the charge of the Cool Persons Club of some city in Oregon)?

And what is to become of us, the nerds of america, who are in danger for our very lives? Should we band together to march on the whitehouse for nerds rights? Should we cower in our dark bedrooms and hope that we won't be lynched? Should we hide our nerdiness and go out into the social world as spies? It truly is the coming of the apocalypse when nerds cannot roam the streets.