Reporting Live from the Chess Olympics

I always wonder why they have summer Olympics, winter Olympics, Youth Olympic Games, Paralympic Games, but no chess Olympics...

Now, I'm not really a chess nerd (not nearly knowledgeable enough to qualify) but I think it would be really cool to have chess Olympics. Sure, they have chess tournaments and chess Olympiads, but those aren't Olympics. Those are a bunch of famous chess players playing chess. I'm thinking more famous athletes on a giant chess board with the greatest chess masters of the world commanding them.

And just thing of the news coverage! There'd be news reporters spouting things like"Qd4?? gBxd4!!" (Which, for those of you not versed in algebraic chess notation, means the white queen just moved to the d4 square and the black bishop previously on the g file moved to the d4 square and captured her) and "d4 c6 e3 d5 Bd3! e6 f4 gNh6 c3!! and white has a Stonewall! f5! g3 Bd6!! and Black as a Stonewall as well!" and "e5?! Rxe5? hBxe5 gNxe5!" and "Oooh! It's a scholar's mate! I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, America is not doing so well today!" and "gNxf6? Rxf6++! and that pretty much wraps up the middlegame, with only the white king, bishop, three pawns and the black king, rook, knight and a pawn left!"

And it'd be so cool! It'd be awesomer than awesome! There'd be awards for the best chess compositions and quickest wins and most cool-looking pawn skeletons. It'd be totally sick! *Geeks out*

The Life of an Upside-Down Cake Farmer

What's that you say? You don't farm upside-down cakes? You think I'm insane? That I should get help? Ha! And again ha! The real question is...are we farming upside-down cakes, or are we farming cakes upside down? Mmmm?

Well, to answer your question, we're doing both. See, an Upside-Down Cake Farm not only harvests all the tastiest confectioneries known to man, it harvests them while fully inverted.

As you all know very well, the earth is flat (as proven by such esteemed scientists as Sucinrepoc Sualocin and Ielilag Oelilag). Thus, one side faces upward, and one side faces down. The upper side has all the humans on it, as well as seas and continents, and the bottom side has a lot of weird stuff on it. See, there's no water (What's that you say? Don't be silly. Water would fall right off the bottom side!) and everyone goes around upside down. And all kinds of pastries, desserts and sweetmeats grow there. But other than what grows on it, it's pretty bleak. It's all gray, except for the farms. And the native inhabitants eat rocks and just use the cakes for toilet paper.

But anyway, we grow all sorts of tasty things down there.

We get up late at night (the days are inverted there, late night is early morning, etc.) and go out to milk the Couverture chocolate cows, and we feed the Bismarck chickens and collect their Bismarcks. Then we go back to the ranch house, eat breakfast, and get on tilling the fields, sowing the ingredients for cakes and pies, or harvesting cakes and pies, depending on the season.

We have pound cake fields and angelfood cake fields and bundt cake fields, cheesecake fields, coffee cake fields, tiramisu and upside-down cake fields. We have cupcake vines and creampuff bushes.

Everything goes fairly well on our farm, except when the local natives decide they need more toilet paper and attempt to raid us. Then it's not too pretty. Especially if they get into the fields (think german chocolate cake gone horribly wrong).

We export most of our goods to the upper side (and of course no one believes that they came from the bottom side of the world, so we never get any trouble from other humans) and we live the happy lives of farmers and bakers mixed into one.

Huh. And you thought you had to bake cakes. Such a silly notion.

GASP! I Forgot! And I'm not making any cents!

I'm so most terribly ever so sorry! I forgot to do a post yesterday. Well...and I sort of procrastinated.

On a scale of one to ten, one being absolutely terrorific and ten representing ten thousand ducks lined up in a row, what would you say whelks rate?

That's pretty much the way my mind is processing right now. I think this schedule is driving me inane. Ant hat isn't a miss pilling of insane. No typo's in that last sentence. I meant to type it all. I cannot think strait write now, but at least I canned type all rite.

Any whey, you all have a swimmer-full wick end, and good buy.