GASP! I Forgot! And I'm not making any cents!

I'm so most terribly ever so sorry! I forgot to do a post yesterday. Well...and I sort of procrastinated.

On a scale of one to ten, one being absolutely terrorific and ten representing ten thousand ducks lined up in a row, what would you say whelks rate?

That's pretty much the way my mind is processing right now. I think this schedule is driving me inane. Ant hat isn't a miss pilling of insane. No typo's in that last sentence. I meant to type it all. I cannot think strait write now, but at least I canned type all rite.

Any whey, you all have a swimmer-full wick end, and good buy.

Awards!

Yes...hmmm...well, I got this award, which tells me I'm over the top, from Scott of Ergo Humor.

Well, here's the schedule of the day: first off, thank you, Scott! I would give an acceptance speech but my dog ate it (wink wink nudge nudge).

Second, as per instructions which come with the award, I have to answer all these strange questions about myself and how over-the-top I am with one word, and then I'll be nominating a few lucky followers for the award! Isn't that exciting???!! WOWOWOOOHHHOO!!!!

Your cell phone: Huge.

Your hair: Flaming.
Your mother: Motherly.
Your father: Fatherly
Your favorite food: Salmonellaburgers
Your dream last night: Salmonellaburgers
Your favorite drink: Malk.
Your dream goal: Fame (for my writing...or at least recognition for my writing)
What room are you in: None
Your hobby: Hobby-making
Your fear: Grandma
Where do you see yourself in six years: Writing
Where were you last night: Asleep.
Something you aren't: Grandma
Muffins: Wonderful.
Wish list item: Laptop
Where did you grow up: Stalker.
Last thing you did: Sat.
What are you wearing: Nothingggg!!!!!
Your TV: Crater.
Your pets: Demoncats
Your friends: Alive.
Your life: Great.
Your mood: Creeped.
Missing someone: Rarely.
Vehicle: None
Something you aren't wearing: Hat.
Your favorite store: WALMART!
Your favorite color: Red.
When was the last time you laughed: Yesteryear
Last time you cried: Yesteryear
Your best friend: Jesus Christ
One place you go to over and over: WALMART!
Facebook: NEVERRRRRR!
Favorite place to eat: WALMART!

Okay, so now, as per instructions yet again, I have to think up five people to give this award to...

Merc, at Merc Rants, because she's evilly over-the-top.

Paul, at Complications. No reason needed. He is.

Martha, at Skyewriting and Musings, because anyone who still blogs thrice a week when they have MS is over the top. And plus she would be over the top anyway.

Amber, at The Norris Ranch, same as Paul. She is purely over the top.

Krista at Krista D. Ball's Zombie Free Blog, because she is prepared for the zombies.

Anyway, happy awarding time to ye all!

It's President's Daaaaaayyyyyyyyyy!

And I'm sooo excited! My favorite holiday of the year! (other than national laziness day, of course)

As I clutch my hand over my patriotically-flaming heart and look at that glorious red, white and blue flag which represents this glorious nation filled with fat people, criminals and stimulus packages, a tear runs down my cheek as I think of all the wonderful things about this country which for almost three hundred and fifty years has been the emblem of life, liberty and the persuit of happiness (and probably the most TV channels). My chest swells with pride for my nation as my lips open wide and I sing (in an adolescent, cracking voice)...

"YO! say can you see by the dawn's nearly-light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last screaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And I can't remember the words, something about bombs,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
YO! say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Something about hotties in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half congeals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
When I wasn't awake yet! Ummm...now shines in the stream:
'Tis the star-strangled banner! Oh long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the braaaaaaains!

And as I butcher my way through the rest of the star-spangles banner, I'm arrested by the national guard for disturbance of the peace and preemptive use of my singing voice (see, my singing is like a WMD, sort of).

And as I sit in a concrete cell in some desert thirty miles from everywhere, surrounded by land-mines and sitting on an electric chair, I begin to hum the star spangled banner once more.

Merry President's Day!