Saturday, May 29, 2010

Apologies...or not?

You know, I figured you guys would be so tired of hearing me apologize for late posts, that I decided I wouldn't this time. That's right! You're not going to get an "I'm sorry" out of me!
Except that now I feel guilty for not apologizing. My mammy always told me it was good and proper to apologize (except that she usually said it more like "Say you're sorry for bombing your sister's room!") and now I feel like I've disobeyed her. And I feel like I should apologize to her.
No! No, I refuse! Arrrrrgh! I feel like a character out of a John Steinbeck novel, with all this internal conflict.
I have an idea! Let's change the subject.
Worcestershire sauce. Tasty, is it not?
Okay, all right, all right! I'm sorry! Stop looking at me like that!
Mammy, forgive me.

(Please remember to vote on the poll at the bottom of the page if you haven't yet)

Monday, May 24, 2010

An Important Announcement of Greatly Portent Import

Well, my wonderful followers, in case you haven't noticed, I've been changing that motto thingy in the header for quite a while now. I can't decide what I wanted up there. That's supposed to capture the meaning of Vintage Spammy, summarize it in a small amount of words (no small task, let me assure you).
So then I had an idea. I'd let YOU decide! Yes, that's right! I'll be irresponsible and give the choice to you to make!
So I've narrowed it down to three perspective mottos.
#1: (What's up there right now) Redefining Lunacy.
#2: It takes only one madman to change the world.
#3: Auditing reality for maximum amount of silliness.
There's a poll at the bottom of the bottom of the page, asking YOU to decide which motto is best. You don't have to tell me which you voted for, because I don't want anyone getting in big fights over which is best (like that would happen). Or you can tell me, if you want. Just remember to actually vote ;)

Friday, May 21, 2010

The Mystic Guru Which is Me

Today in English I had to write a Tanka and a Haiku. I felt like Matsuo Bashō or somebody. For you unknowing ones, a Tanka is an unrhyming poem of five lines with (in this order) five syllables, seven syllables, five, seven and seven. A Haiku is just like that except without the last two lines of seven syllables (so five, seven and five).
The Tanka I wrote (which I'm very proud of, in the way which the father of a serial murderer is proud of his serial murdering progeny) goes as follows:
Palm fronds in the wind
Swaying like silken hankies
And lots of leaves fall
From the sky like dying birds
Wind takes them to drifting graves
I thought that one was a wee bit too angsty. So I decided I would lighten the Haiku up.
Water flows like tea
Great multitudes of the stuff
Drowns many large rats
I hope I got the syllables right. Tell me if I didn't. I'm off to go have a cup of Chai tea.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Stony Pastries and Their Military Uses

Ye cods. I just apologized for getting a post in late and then I forget again on Monday! What an irresponsible nincompoop I am!
...I like the word nincompoop. Sounds like the name of some sort of pie. Except, now that I think about it, it would probably be a horribly disgusting sort of pie.
It is a mildly intriguing concept, though. It would be far more devastating as a throwing weapon than any other kind of pie. Except, perhaps, a rock pie. That would be very deadly. And pretty easy to bake, as well.
Although, if one is going to throw rocks at somebody, why wrap them up in dough and stick them in the oven first? I mean, a pebble crumble I can understand, being a deceptively tasty-looking means of braking one's enemies' teeth, but you can't even slice into a rock pie. Of course, it is the same with a boulder torte. But that is a wholly different matter. One can drop a boulder torte on one of one's enemies' heads with devastating results.
Although I suppose a rock pie could be used as a shield or a bludgeon, if one was desperate. But if one cannot throw a rock pie at one's enemies when one's enemies are at sufficient distance (and not out of range of one's throwing arm) then, in my opinion, one is a nincompoop.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Apologies and Different Apologies

Ye cods! I haven't blogged in like...a whole week! This is awful. I'm so sorry! I've been drained of my creative juices lately. I got sick pretty bad last Friday, and I had more tests yesterday, and I've been very tired! And I don't even know why! And now I'm over-using exclamation marks!!!!!
So, with that in mind, I will see how many different ways I can apologize.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I deeply apologize! I humbly beg for your forgiveness! I must deeply express my utmost sorrow at my inexcusable actions!
That's seven, right there.
I will now beat myself over the head with a deviled egg. Or maybe I should use a Metsubushi Thank you. Good bye. Be back on Monday.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Madness and Similar Stuff and Different Stuff

YEarrrrgh! I forgot to blog on Monday! And then I forgot to do a blog on Tuesday to make up for it! So...I guess this is the first Wednesday post in a long time, mmm?
So sorry I forgot. I was working on a semi-big (for me, anyway) project on Sunday, which I planned to post on Monday. By the end of Monday, I had realized I couldn't get it ready in time. I planned on finishing it on Tuesday and apologizing for not getting it up on Monday. And at the end of Tuesday, I realized I had forgotten. So! No more forgetfulness or anything like that. The mysterious post is not ready yet. But! It will be up on Friday (hopefully). many ideas for blog posts... few actually develop-able ideas... little time to actually develop the develop-able ones...
...I think I'll blog about madness. That's always an easy topic for me.
Madness, you see, is an oddly strange, weirdly bizarre, uncannily peculiar, extraordinarily eccentric, abnormal anomaly that often results in many stupidly lame pleonasms like the ones I just used.
Madness is often confused with Insanity, but usually only by psychologists. Madness and Insanity should never be confused. They're two totally different people.
Insanity is insane, Madness is just mad. Insanity usually involves large leather lazy chairs and old, bald men and white, latex gloves and unfun stuff like that. Madness involves tea-drinking rabbits and decade-long rainstorms (just imagine how strong the petrichor would be after that) and people flying around via the seats of their pants. Madness is interesting. Insanity is a bland mental sickness. Vlad the Impaler was insane. Lewis Caroll was mad. King Théoden was insane (before Gandalf got to 'im hehe). The Mad Hatter was mad (sorry I'm using Lewis Caroll's characters so much--they're just so mad!).
And don't get me started about craziness.