An Interview with a Demon

Hey folks! Turns out Eric from Stranger in a Stranger World was so intrigued by the Anti-Punctuality demon that he decided he wanted to interview him! Isn't that lovely, ladies and gentlemen? Before we start in, though, I just wanted to give you all a little warning; his answers may be either completely non-sequitor or Monty Python references. So beware. Take it away, Eric!

Hi, Spammy. We're here at the site of your home neighborhood to talk to the so-called 'Antagonist' of your life and see the true story. Mr. Demon, Sir, in the interest of fairness and journalistic impartiality, it seems that we ought to hear your point of view on recent events at Spammy's house.  If, this is, er, you're willing to talk about it.

If means I can has nacho cheeeeeese.

What's it like trying to make it in the anti-punctuality world?

Wull Brian...

Have you always been anti-punctuality, or did you start as something else?

Was li'l Imp, once. Was used in da Boss's alarm clock, see. Wasn't very good at keeping time. Boss missed his big tempting appointment, so dose humans up top didn't eat da fruit dat woulda gotten them kicked out of da garden. Got fired. Wanted to be Incubus, but was given job as dis. Stupid HR director. Incubus's get to have all the fun.

How did you get assigned to Spammy?

Da Boss said Spammy was a late kinda person. He said we'd go together like guacamole and banana ice cream. I say dose taste bad together. He say dat whole point.

What are your top three challenges in working with Spammy?

His in'bil'ty to stop buyin' alarm clocks, his badly-written old english speeches and his guacamole cannon.

Tell us something about Spammy that nobody else knows.

Ev'ry third full moon he takes a bath in cheese whiz.

What do you think of the likeness that Spammy posted recently?  Is it true that you posed for that?

S'pretty good, but m'club's bigger than that. Yes, I posed for it. And then I beat him up with my club. And he said "Owch."

The club is an interesting choice for you.  How's that been working out?

S'good weapon. Is tasty.

It sounds like food is also a big part of what you do.  Do you have a personal favorite?

Nacho cheeeese.

What do you with your time off?

Always running late. Don't get none. But job is pretty decent. I mean, I get to beat people up and steal their food.

How long does it actually take you to get out of bed in the morning?

Well, I go to sleep at around 1:00 AM, m'alarm clock goes off at 1:15 AM, an' then I hit the 4 hour and thirty-seven-minute snooze button (which I invented) and then when it wakes me up again, I lay in bed for another half-hour while it beeps in my ear and I yell at it, and then I get up and hit it with my club.

Well, folks, looks like we're out of time for now, I hope he didn't endear you too much or reveal any of my deep and ancient secrets. Tune in next time to hear why billy goats need drug rehab centers as well!

A most wonderful announcement!

Alrighty, friends, I have an announcement.

I don't know about you, but I'm fed up with the haphazard, once-or-twice-a-month, stupid, utterly retarded posting habits of that person, who was he now...oh yeah, me. Yeah.

Well anyway, I've just about had enough of him, so here's what I'm gonna do:

NEWWWWWW SCHEDULE! YEEHAW!

Starting Monday the 25th of January, Year of Our Lord 2010, Vintage Spammy will have three bright, shiny new posts every week. On monday, wednesday and friday, with the addition of the occasional announcement, which will be thrown in any-old-how (so as not to hamper the humor).

Hopefully I'll be able to bring in more followers (this and other ways) and if I get enough, I'll be featuring a contributer post once a month! Wouldn't that be cool! So, (puts on Hollywood smile and horn-rimmed glasses) tell all your friends about it, and tell them to tell their friends about it and we'll all be happy for ever and ever for just $29.99! (removes glasses)

So anyway, just wanted to let you all in on the bright new future that approaches.