Tuesday, December 29, 2009

My Country 'Tis of Thee...

...Sweet land of Nerdity,
Of thee I sing;
Land wher noob pplz died,
Land of the gamers pride,
From every mountainside
Let nerdiness ring!

How many ways can you spell it? Nerd, nurd, knurd, gnurd! Our country is rapidly turning into a nerd nation (or, perhaps, knurd knation). Everywhere you look you see braces, glasses, and acne! And bacne, too, except you can't see that. Nerds practically rule America, and we can do nothing to stop it!
A distressing turn of events has been leading up to this post; France has offered to give us a new statue to replace the Statue of Liberty (her name, "Lady Nerdity" pictured to the side), the newest Blockbuster is entitled "Planet of the Nerds," and the new urban fantasy bestseller(Nerdlight, by Stefan E. Myer)--featuring Dwilla Wan and Ned Woolen--is about how a teenage girl goes to a weird little town in tenessee somewhere and falls in love with a nerd!
The Ku Klux Klan has even changed their policies and now not only lynch black peoples, but nerds as well.
Dark times, these, for I, too, am a nerd, and I fear for my life. It used to be that nerds were a few, elect people, and now they cover the nation. I was born a nerd, and I believe the huge expansion of nerds nationwide has brought this upon us. Whatever happened to we few, we happy few, we band of nerdy brothers(speech given by King Nerdy V before the charge of the Cool Persons Club of some city in Oregon)?
And what is to become of us, the nerds of america, who are in danger for our very lives? Should we band together to march on the whitehouse for nerds rights? Should we cower in our dark bedrooms and hope that we won't be lynched? Should we hide our nerdiness and go out into the social world as spies? It truly is the coming of the apocalypse when nerds cannot roam the streets.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

A Christmas Microfiction

...or at least I think it's a microfiction. That's basically anything below 100 words, right?
Anyway, I just thought this up and thought I'd post it here. I'd like to sub it somewhere, but I think all the e-zines have closed their christmas entries :S Here goes.

Tall, a stoic triangle, eerie. A silhouette against its own, strange lights; concentrated points of yellow and red light shine from it, leaving a blue, blotchy ghost of itself in my vision whenever I look away. Metal glints from it, cruel-shaped hooks and serrated streamers. A crown of twisted metal adorns its high, imperious brow, glinting in the lights. Black and greenish like hornblende it’s spiny appendages hang in the dark, adorned with their eldritch, garish decorations. I never did like the Christmas tree.

You all have a merry christmas, and don't let your tree mutate into a horrible monster which'll eat your brains and suck out your intestines through your ears!

Monday, November 30, 2009


I can't believe it. I won! I just uploaded all of the pic's because I wanted to show you all how happy I am! :P Just printed out my winners certificate and I am now being moved to the St. Augustine of Hippo's NaNo Rehabilitation Center for the Fried of Brain. There I will be able to recover from my terrible loss of creative juices and maybe swindle some bourbon whiskey out of a nurse for a bit of brain-fried celebration.
I just want to take a moment to say...
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAWWWWWWWWWW! I feel the best I have from any accomplishment ever, probably! Im so happy I don't evn care it I Mak sens bcaus I'm jus so tired of tping!
Anyway, I know what you're wondering.
How did I do it? No, that's not what you're wondering...
Any tips for new Wrimo's who have yet to do it? No...
What you're wondering is...
Who the heck is Saint Augustine of Hippo?
Well, he's the patron saint of sore eyes. And let me tell you, my eyes are sorrrrrrrre.
Anyway, just wanted to tell you how wonderful I feel and I hope all of you are feeling wonderful as well!

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Yet Another Blogger Blogging About NaNo.

Well! What a lousy blogger I am. Haven't blogged in two weeks! I fig'r I should blog about something. Or, perhaps, blog about nothing at all!
Hmmm...maybe not such a great idea. I'm thinking I couldn't fill up very much with nothing at all.
I know! I'll blog about NaNoWrimo, like everyone seems to be doing lately.
So with NaNo coming up in about a week, I'm done with my outline for my novel I'll be doing. I started about four days ago.
The stink of my fried brain permeates through the house, filling every single room.
But I'm done! So nyah to my lazy tendencies! Victory is MINE!
Now that I'm done with it, I just need to wait.
I'm not really worried that I couldn't write 50,000 words in thirty days. That comes down to about 1,500 words a day, which isn't too much. My biggest concern is that I'll run out of story before 50,000 words. As ridiculous as this may seem, I'm used to writing short, concise short stories, not novels.
But anyway, I think I stuck enough stuff in there to make fifty thousand words, so I should be good ;)

Friday, October 9, 2009

Map of CoI Finished!

There! I have finished the map for my current WIP Captive of Immortality. I know it's not that good, and it's just a first, preliminary one. I'll probably improve upon it later ;) Click on it to make it bigger.
You'd have to be reading the WIP to know the significance on all these things, so it may seem a little odd.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Why DID you say that, anyway?

I've always wondered why people say certain things...
See, I get cold easy, so I'm often seen wearing a jacket (like the knight pictured over there). My mother, however will never get cold. She's always opening windows and saying how the upstairs is 'an oven.' So oftentimes I'll be wearing a jacket and she'll come up and say
'Andrew, are you cold?' To which, I reply, 'Not any more I'm not.' Which goes without saying.
Also, I find that people will repeat what you say in utter surprise, instead of doing something.
'Ow, my leg's broken!'
And that great old tradition, Are You Okay.
'YOWCH! A sword in the ribs does not feel good!'
'Are you okay?'
'Oh, sure, I just have a failing lung, a couple of broken ribs, with some rest and lots of water I should be right as rain in a couple of days'
I love the theory Ford Prefect came up with in The Restaurant at The End of The Universe (by Douglas Adams) which goes 'If humans stop talking, their brains start working.'
Anyway, just a little rant I wanted to share.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Nearing the 10,000 Word Mark!

(Like the pic? I'm rather proud of it meself ^^)
As I charge through my WIP, tongue streaming in the wind, eyes closed in shear triumph, I can now announce that I am almost to the ten thousand word mark! You probably don't know what this means, but to me it means I'm at least halfway done! This being a novella, and for that a tad on the short side, of course.
So I thought I should say that, since I haven't posted for a while, and I thought the previous post was a little too self-pity oriented. Now it can be boastful for a while! :P

Thursday, September 3, 2009


Well, I'm sorry to say I just got a rejection from The Way Of The Wizard :( They didn't really like Say The Magic Word.
Anyway, I had so much fun writing Say The Magic Word, I guess I'll forgoe my crying session in the corner and try to find another home for it! :)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Hey Honey, Let's move to Flying Wombat, Tenessee!

I hear the strangest things sometimes...quite often when I'm sitting at the computer, I'll hear something like "Gahh! Arielle[my two year old sister], what are you doing? Rubbing your butt and then touching my hair?!" or "The cracks of doom? The bowels of Oroduin? Sounds like one big arse to me."
But perhaps the strangest thing I've ever heard was the other day...
My dad and my mom were hunched over a laptop, looking at something which--due to their bodies--I couldn't see. Then I heard my dad say "So, yeah, there's this great little town in oregon--" At this point I must tell you they are discussing moving, because they want to--"it's called..."
"Government camp?" my mom says, "Oh yeah, that sounds like a great place to move! 'Hey where do you live?'" she mocks, "'Oh, I live in Government camp.' The very sound makes me think of striped uniforms and POW's. We might as well move to Raton New Mexico! Who want's to live in 'Big Rat' or, almost as bad, Government camp?"
And then she goes crazy. "'Hey honey, lets move to Phlegm Lake! Or maybe Vomit Bowl Valley! Or howabout..."
And she goes on with names that have something to do with feces or rodents.
In the end, my dad decided maybe he didn't want to live in Government Camp.
Yeah, my family is weird. It takes all I've got to stay alive ;)

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

The Story behind The Blog

Okay, so I bet your wondering why it's called 'Vintage Spammy', right? So here's the story...
Many aeons before the dawn of civalization and all that crap, there was an ancient and primeval and primordial being. They called him...
Wait a second, who's they? I thought there was no-one around yet? Dang
Once upon a time--
Hold the phone! That is THE most hackneyed way to start a story! Your gonna have to do better than that to get famous!
Hackneyed sells. Live with it.
Once upon a time, in a land very far away--
Shut up.
Once upon a time, in a land very far away, there was a little kingdom called...
You aren't going to tell them the true story, hmmm?
Sigh. Whatever. I guess I'll have to now.
Okay so I like to write. And I am a member of multiple sites that are supposed to help me with my writing. One day my brother, Scott--he likes to write as well--joins this one writing site. He says it's really cool, and so I try to join. It didn't work. So then the next day he says I should join. I told him I had tried. And it hadn't worked.
But he keeps bugging me so I whipped out the ultimate guy response.
"Okay, I'll show you!" I said.
"Okay, show me." Scott said.
So I go to the website and I click the 'Sign up' button. I type in my name and what I want as a username--and, being stupid, I typed in 'Spammy' saying "Even a name like this, that couldn't possibly be taken, wouldn't work."--and clicked the submit button.
Guess what? It worked! Phooie. But, again, being stupid, I actually used the account. So there you have it. The epic saga of my username. Rank up there with Beowulf? Definately not. Gives a great example of my usual brain functions? Yep.
By the way, like the pic? I call it the "V S shield."