Quailzilla FRIDAY--Marsupial Mole

Well, my friends, due to some distress over the assumed disappearance of Quailzilla, I figured I'd allay your fears and bring you one today. They will not die out! Anyway.

This week's subject is, because you all know I love marsupials(okay so you didn't, but who cares?)--The Marsupial Mole! A mole which is actually a marsupial. And lives in Australia. Love Australia as well as marsupials. There're these confectioneries called 'Aussie Bites' that're wonderful...I have to wonder if they're made from the inhabitants. Getting side tracked. Back to marsupial moles.

First of all, I'll examine the non-horrific aspects, as I like to do that first for some reason.

1. Mole. Few people have ever been able to find anything scary about moles. They're just...moles.

2. Lightweight. Very easily thrown around, if you know what I mean. Usually around 3-6 ounces.

3. Endangered. Many species of marsupial mole are endangered. And so, that makes for not great numbers.

Now I found mostly scary aspects on the marsupial mole, so we'll look at those.

1. Diet. Anything that eats mainly beetle larvae and cossid caterpillars have got to be pretty nasty.

2. Claws. They have large, shovel-like front claws that are good for digging. And good for scooping your eyeballs out of your head! GAH!

3. Enigmatic. Very little is actually known about the marsupial mole, as it is rare and lives underground almost always. Spooooooky, huh?

4. Nocturnal. They live underground and don't like daylight. That's pretty good criteria for a monster's résumé.

5. Marsupial. It's a marsupial! There are marsupial frogs and marsupial mice, there used to be marsupial wolves and marsupial lions. I love marsupials. But they can be dangerous.

The Verdict:

Marsupial moles are scary creatures! If the apocalypse were to come, I'm quite sure they'd take over the world. I bet they have nuclear missle silos underneath Australia, just waiting to surface and blow everyone to kingdom come.

My Country 'Tis of Thee...

...Sweet land of Nerdity,

Of thee I sing;

Land wher noob pplz died,

Land of the gamers pride,

From every mountainside

Let nerdiness ring!

How many ways can you spell it? Nerd, nurd, knurd, gnurd! Our country is rapidly turning into a nerd nation (or, perhaps, knurd knation). Everywhere you look you see braces, glasses, and acne! And bacne, too, except you can't see that. Nerds practically rule America, and we can do nothing to stop it!

A distressing turn of events has been leading up to this post; France has offered to give us a new statue to replace the Statue of Liberty (her name, "Lady Nerdity" pictured to the side), the newest Blockbuster is entitled "Planet of the Nerds," and the new urban fantasy bestseller(Nerdlight, by Stefan E. Myer)--featuring Dwilla Wan and Ned Woolen--is about how a teenage girl goes to a weird little town in tenessee somewhere and falls in love with a nerd!

The Ku Klux Klan has even changed their policies and now not only lynch black peoples, but nerds as well.

Dark times, these, for I, too, am a nerd, and I fear for my life. It used to be that nerds were a few, elect people, and now they cover the nation. I was born a nerd, and I believe the huge expansion of nerds nationwide has brought this upon us. Whatever happened to we few, we happy few, we band of nerdy brothers(speech given by King Nerdy V before the charge of the Cool Persons Club of some city in Oregon)?

And what is to become of us, the nerds of america, who are in danger for our very lives? Should we band together to march on the whitehouse for nerds rights? Should we cower in our dark bedrooms and hope that we won't be lynched? Should we hide our nerdiness and go out into the social world as spies? It truly is the coming of the apocalypse when nerds cannot roam the streets.