Monday, August 23, 2010

The Battle of the Bedroom

Spammy slaps his alarm clock. It says "Ow! I'm just trying to help you!"
"Yeah, well, if you really wanna help..." Spammy rubs his eyes and looks at the alarm clock. He eyes bulge. "Then don't wake me up at two forty-one in the afternoon!" He grabs the alarm clock and shakes it. "What's wrong with you? Can't you tell time?"
"Umm, well," The clock squirms in Spammy's grip. "I might have been reset, umm...while I was asleep?"
"Traitor!" Spammy throws the clock across the room."Treasonous bass-turd!"
"Resorting t' euphemisms, are we, brother spammy?" A sulfurous voice says from behind Spammy.
Spammy whirls. "You. It was you! Ghhhhhhaaaaagahhhhhhhrrrr!" Spammy leaps on top of the seven-foot-six-inch tall demon.
The anti-punctuality demon roars and throws Spammy across the room , hurling a five-foot flaming cheese curl after him.
Spammy rolls aside as the cheese curl starts the wall paper and carpet on fire. Spammy grabs a vuvuzela and charges the demon, swinging the horrendous instrument at the demon's head.
As the vuvuzela connects with the demon's head it snaps into three pieces. "Arrrgh! Dame safety precautions!" Spammy drops the now-useless piece of plastic. The demon advances on Spammy, the light from the spreading fire glinting in his dark eyes.
Spammy leaps over his bed and runs to the bookshelf, hurling flaming book after flaming book at the demon. The demon knocks them aside and jumps over the bed.
"Take the sword of the spirit, hell spawn!" Spammy takes a huge, flaming bible from the bookshelf and chucks it at the demon.The demon catches it between the eyes and staggers backward, tripping over the bed.
"Hah!" Spammy says, grabbing an umbrella and chucking it at the defenseless demon, just for good measure. He leaps over the demon's motionless body and runs out of the fiery bedroom, laughing maniacally.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Princess In Shining Armor!

My Princess in Shining armor is here! Look!
She even has a midget horse!
In case you were wondering, YES I drew these with the Intuos4 I got on Tuesday. No scanning involved! No nothing except drawing!
I love this thing! You can expect more illustrated posts soon! Maybe even posts in comic-book form! But only if your good little people and eat all your Brussels sprouts.

...did I ever mention that I love Brussels sprouts? Some of my favorite vegetables.

I call this one the 'Uniscorn,' a hybrid of scorpion and unicorn.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Happy Unlucky Day!

Happy Friday 13th, ladies and gentlemen! You know, it only comes once a year. Except last year. It came thrice last year. And it came twice in 2007. And in 2006 it came twice. And it'll come three times in 2012. So whatever.
Nevertheless, it is a special day for me, and just to gall all of those bad-luck spirits I go around repairing mirrors, knocking over ladders and painting black cats purple.
Anyway, be careful and superstitious just like your mam taught you and like you will teach your children and they will teach their children to keep the whole world a dark, superstitious place where fear rules peoples minds and people cannot even walk the streets freely! Mooohahahahahaawwahahahahahahahah!
Ahem. Anyway, in other news, the anvil storm in LA has gotten worse and weathermen all over the place say that soon it'll be raining moose as well.

Monday, August 9, 2010

The Answer of my problems!

Yes, that's right, ladies and gentlemen, the answer has revealed itself.
As some of you know, I've been in a quandary as to whether to draw my drawings by hand or draw on photoshop or some other electronic means. I would do it completely electronically, because that eliminates the middleman (a.k.a. the photocopier), except that drawing with a mouse or (if I'm using a laptop) one of those little track-pad thingies is really hard and doesn't turn usually out so well. So as of yesterday my...well...I'm a guy, so I can't I call it my knight in shining armor, can I? Hmmmm...okay, my princess in shining armor is coming to save the day!
It's name is...the Intuos4. So now I can draw on it as if I were drawing by hand, and it'll go straight into the computer (gosh, do I sound inept to you? Shouldn't I be spouting C++ or something?) and wallah!
So anyway, that should resolve all of my drawing problems. And, with bloggers new thing that they put out where you can put your own picture behind your blog, you shall see...some sort of drawing behind my blog (I know, I know, you're probably banging your head against your desk and saying "You mean you couldn't DO THAT ANYWAY?!")
Anyway, next I need to find some some sort of resolution to the goat grazing on my carpets... and the demon making me late for everything...and the ghost of an angry avocado that I ate haunting my dreams...