My Country 'Tis of Thee...

...Sweet land of Nerdity,

Of thee I sing;

Land wher noob pplz died,

Land of the gamers pride,

From every mountainside

Let nerdiness ring!

How many ways can you spell it? Nerd, nurd, knurd, gnurd! Our country is rapidly turning into a nerd nation (or, perhaps, knurd knation). Everywhere you look you see braces, glasses, and acne! And bacne, too, except you can't see that. Nerds practically rule America, and we can do nothing to stop it!

A distressing turn of events has been leading up to this post; France has offered to give us a new statue to replace the Statue of Liberty (her name, "Lady Nerdity" pictured to the side), the newest Blockbuster is entitled "Planet of the Nerds," and the new urban fantasy bestseller(Nerdlight, by Stefan E. Myer)--featuring Dwilla Wan and Ned Woolen--is about how a teenage girl goes to a weird little town in tenessee somewhere and falls in love with a nerd!

The Ku Klux Klan has even changed their policies and now not only lynch black peoples, but nerds as well.

Dark times, these, for I, too, am a nerd, and I fear for my life. It used to be that nerds were a few, elect people, and now they cover the nation. I was born a nerd, and I believe the huge expansion of nerds nationwide has brought this upon us. Whatever happened to we few, we happy few, we band of nerdy brothers(speech given by King Nerdy V before the charge of the Cool Persons Club of some city in Oregon)?

And what is to become of us, the nerds of america, who are in danger for our very lives? Should we band together to march on the whitehouse for nerds rights? Should we cower in our dark bedrooms and hope that we won't be lynched? Should we hide our nerdiness and go out into the social world as spies? It truly is the coming of the apocalypse when nerds cannot roam the streets.

A Christmas Microfiction

...or at least I think it's a microfiction. That's basically anything below 100 words, right?

Anyway, I just thought this up and thought I'd post it here. I'd like to sub it somewhere, but I think all the e-zines have closed their christmas entries :S Here goes.

Tall, a stoic triangle, eerie. A silhouette against its own, strange lights; concentrated points of yellow and red light shine from it, leaving a blue, blotchy ghost of itself in my vision whenever I look away. Metal glints from it, cruel-shaped hooks and serrated streamers. A crown of twisted metal adorns its high, imperious brow, glinting in the lights. Black and greenish like hornblende it’s spiny appendages hang in the dark, adorned with their eldritch, garish decorations. I never did like the Christmas tree.

You all have a merry christmas, and don't let your tree mutate into a horrible monster which'll eat your brains and suck out your intestines through your ears!