Monday, March 8, 2010

The Life of an Upside-Down Cake Farmer

What's that you say? You don't farm upside-down cakes? You think I'm insane? That I should get help? Ha! And again ha! The real question is...are we farming upside-down cakes, or are we farming cakes upside down? Mmmm?
Well, to answer your question, we're doing both. See, an Upside-Down Cake Farm not only harvests all the tastiest confectioneries known to man, it harvests them while fully inverted.
As you all know very well, the earth is flat (as proven by such esteemed scientists as Sucinrepoc Sualocin and Ielilag Oelilag). Thus, one side faces upward, and one side faces down. The upper side has all the humans on it, as well as seas and continents, and the bottom side has a lot of weird stuff on it. See, there's no water (What's that you say? Don't be silly. Water would fall right off the bottom side!) and everyone goes around upside down. And all kinds of pastries, desserts and sweetmeats grow there. But other than what grows on it, it's pretty bleak. It's all gray, except for the farms. And the native inhabitants eat rocks and just use the cakes for toilet paper.
But anyway, we grow all sorts of tasty things down there.
We get up late at night (the days are inverted there, late night is early morning, etc.) and go out to milk the Couverture chocolate cows, and we feed the Bismarck chickens and collect their Bismarcks. Then we go back to the ranch house, eat breakfast, and get on tilling the fields, sowing the ingredients for cakes and pies, or harvesting cakes and pies, depending on the season.
We have pound cake fields and angelfood cake fields and bundt cake fields, cheesecake fields, coffee cake fields, tiramisu and upside-down cake fields. We have cupcake vines and creampuff bushes.
Everything goes fairly well on our farm, except when the local natives decide they need more toilet paper and attempt to raid us. Then it's not too pretty. Especially if they get into the fields (think german chocolate cake gone horribly wrong).
We export most of our goods to the upper side (and of course no one believes that they came from the bottom side of the world, so we never get any trouble from other humans) and we live the happy lives of farmers and bakers mixed into one.
Huh. And you thought you had to bake cakes. Such a silly notion.


  1. Oh my Rowling, how mistaken I have been all my life!
    I have been under the impression that cakes were made with flour and sugar and milk, and then stuck in the oven to bake!
    Thank you for enlightening me, young sir!

  2. Glad I could divulge the knowledge of How Things Really Work upon you :D (and who are you calling young, anyway?)

  3. You, you young whippersnapper! ^^

    Lol, I just reread it and caught the toilet paper raids part XD


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