That's right! It's been a vicious battle with the anti-punctuality demon all week. And plus we had a garage sale on Saturday (we didn't sell any clocks, by the way--ever since the demon's been attacking I've started hoarding them) and we've been getting ready to sell the house this month. So it's been a difficult battle.
He's been raging about the house using a thirty-pound Cheeto as a club (it's a Flamin' Hot one) and hitting me with it whenever I show my face outside of my room or the hall closet.
I've had to sneak into the kitchen to get food, or munch off of his club when he hits me with it.
The donuts in the kitchen haven't been eaten so they got moldy, so yesterday I established a lodgement in the pantry and took them, but I was forced to retreat back the upstairs when he flooded me out with kool-aid.
But I have a weapon. Oh yes. I whipped it out just as I posted this.
Behold, the Demon-Smashing, Clock-Resetting Tank with Nacho Cheese Artillery Battery! Ride forth, my great steed, crush the oppressor of lateness! Onward, to victory and punctuality!
By the way, last Saturday Eric asked me what the Anti-Punctuality Demon looks like. Well, Eric, in answer, I am making a sketch to show you. Hopefully I'll be done by Friday.
Happy trails, and don't let the Anti-Punctuality Demon get you!
Monday, June 28, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
The Battle Continues
Gaaar! The battle with the Anti-Punctuality Demon rages on! I thought I had him down, but he drenched me with a shower of hot nacho cheese and hid in my closet while I recuperated from the attack (it took me a while to eat the cheese because it was so hot). Apparently he set my alarm clock twenty-four hours backward! Dangit!
Right now I am grappling with him in the kitchen, attempting to wrestlre the jar of peanut butter from his demonic grip (he goes around my house eating random things and setting my clocks back).
No! Foul demon! Pepperonis do NOT go well with bananas! Stop mixing up disgusting snacks with my food!
Sorry about that. Since he came to my house he seems to have tried to get in touch with his culinary side.
Not curry! No, anything but curry!
He's getting to be very aggravating. I can't even get him to read a cookbook, either.
Ha! You didn't expect my guacamole cannon, did you? Take green buttery goodness, devil!
(By the by, please remember to vote on the poll at the bottom of the page)
Monday, June 14, 2010
The Attic
On Friday I was in the Attic a bunch (but I didn't blog about it then, because I was so stoked over defeating the Anti-Punctuality Demon) and you would not believe our attic.
Some people have nice little attics filled with old heirlooms and memories and things. Some people have musty old attics they never go into. Some people have attics that don't exist.
Our attic isn't like any of those.
First of all, you can't step on the floor.
This isn't because it's covered with clutter or something, It's actually quite barren. No, you can't step on it because if you do you'll fall through it and then fall fifteen feet to the concrete floor of the garage. You can only step on the sparse two-by-fours that serve as supports for the floor (thank god they're exposed)
Next, believe it or not, the ceiling is covered with nails, whose points are sticking downward.
And then, to add insult to injury (almost literally) there's no lights or windows.
Sounds like a jolly place, right? Every time I go in there I feel like I'm in an Indiana Jones movie. 'Indiana Jones and the Attic of Collapsing Floors' or some such.
What's your attic like? Is it dark and musty, or it is nonexistent? Is it worthy of a horror story in it's honor?
(Please remember to vote on the poll at the bottom of the page)
Some people have nice little attics filled with old heirlooms and memories and things. Some people have musty old attics they never go into. Some people have attics that don't exist.
Our attic isn't like any of those.
First of all, you can't step on the floor.
This isn't because it's covered with clutter or something, It's actually quite barren. No, you can't step on it because if you do you'll fall through it and then fall fifteen feet to the concrete floor of the garage. You can only step on the sparse two-by-fours that serve as supports for the floor (thank god they're exposed)
Next, believe it or not, the ceiling is covered with nails, whose points are sticking downward.
And then, to add insult to injury (almost literally) there's no lights or windows.
Sounds like a jolly place, right? Every time I go in there I feel like I'm in an Indiana Jones movie. 'Indiana Jones and the Attic of Collapsing Floors' or some such.
What's your attic like? Is it dark and musty, or it is nonexistent? Is it worthy of a horror story in it's honor?
(Please remember to vote on the poll at the bottom of the page)
Friday, June 11, 2010
The Defeat of a Great Demon
This post is on time.
HA! Flee, thou foul pugnacious anti-punctuality demon! Gone are the days of thy black reign! The smog from thy farts begone! No more shalt thou rest in mine household, gobbling my nachos and wheedling sausages out of mine refrigerator! I hereby send thee back to thine abyss where everyone is two days late for everything! I sweep thee from the stronghold of mine house with the besom of remembrance and wherewithal! Thy demise is nigh! I shall drive ye back with my righteous moldy doughnut!
And I would give an inspiring speech in old english now, but I'm too winded from my fight with that devil.
And now to copy Scott and reveal to you what I lied about on Tuesday, and what I told the truth on.
#1 I have actually painted myself with woad and charged naked (Picts ftw, baby!) at people.
Not true, I'm afraid. But I would do it if given a proper opportunity.
#2 I own four swords ranging from the mid ninteenth century to the early twentieth century, and have wounded myself on accident with all of them.
True! When I was around eleven (I was shorter then) I took one and prepared to charge Scott. I raised it above my head a little to enthusiastically, and stabbed myself in the calf. That's the most notable (and least embarrassing) of the stories...
#3 & #4 I once filled my own nostrils with plumbers putty. (&) I once filled someone else's nostrils with plumber's putty.
Both of these are untrue, alas.
#5I have actually plotted out a plan to take over the world using plumber's putty.
Well...does it count if I thought up a plan as I typed this out? I'll have to blog about my plan some time.
6) I have seriously considered editing the Wikipedia article on Plumber's putty to include that people sometimes use plumbers putty to seal their nostrils, or, more rarely, take over the world.
True. I've seriously considered editing a lot of Wikipedia articles because they're not funny. And because I can.
7) I have used moldy donuts as weapons.
Untrue. But I do think of them as weapons worthy of a great warrior.
8) I have killed small woodland creatures just to try and teach the attracted ravens to say 'Nevermore.'
I have killed small woodland creatures, but the ravens never came. The ants did, though. And the flies. But they don't speak.
9) Plumber's putty.
True!
HA! Flee, thou foul pugnacious anti-punctuality demon! Gone are the days of thy black reign! The smog from thy farts begone! No more shalt thou rest in mine household, gobbling my nachos and wheedling sausages out of mine refrigerator! I hereby send thee back to thine abyss where everyone is two days late for everything! I sweep thee from the stronghold of mine house with the besom of remembrance and wherewithal! Thy demise is nigh! I shall drive ye back with my righteous moldy doughnut!
And I would give an inspiring speech in old english now, but I'm too winded from my fight with that devil.
And now to copy Scott and reveal to you what I lied about on Tuesday, and what I told the truth on.
#1 I have actually painted myself with woad and charged naked (Picts ftw, baby!) at people.
Not true, I'm afraid. But I would do it if given a proper opportunity.
#2 I own four swords ranging from the mid ninteenth century to the early twentieth century, and have wounded myself on accident with all of them.
True! When I was around eleven (I was shorter then) I took one and prepared to charge Scott. I raised it above my head a little to enthusiastically, and stabbed myself in the calf. That's the most notable (and least embarrassing) of the stories...
#3 & #4 I once filled my own nostrils with plumbers putty. (&) I once filled someone else's nostrils with plumber's putty.
Both of these are untrue, alas.
#5I have actually plotted out a plan to take over the world using plumber's putty.
Well...does it count if I thought up a plan as I typed this out? I'll have to blog about my plan some time.
6) I have seriously considered editing the Wikipedia article on Plumber's putty to include that people sometimes use plumbers putty to seal their nostrils, or, more rarely, take over the world.
True. I've seriously considered editing a lot of Wikipedia articles because they're not funny. And because I can.
7) I have used moldy donuts as weapons.
Untrue. But I do think of them as weapons worthy of a great warrior.
8) I have killed small woodland creatures just to try and teach the attracted ravens to say 'Nevermore.'
I have killed small woodland creatures, but the ravens never came. The ants did, though. And the flies. But they don't speak.
9) Plumber's putty.
True!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
I Should Win the 'Most Forgetful Blogger EVER' award
Yes. I forgot to blog twice last week. And once this week. And this is the first time I've even thought about it!
I blame Rick Riordan. I was reading The Last Olympian.
See, usually I have a pretty passive relationship with reading. But when I start a book that I really like, I will cut off most other activities and just read. I did this with the Hunger Games as well (it took me less than two days to read that book). And so, with the final installment of the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series in hand, I forgot about blogging.
That doesn't excuse last Monday, though. Oh well. I'll find an excuse for Monday later. And then I'll find an excuse for not finding and excuse for Monday now.
Anyway, forgetfulness is not my only reason for posting.
THIS is my other reason. Now, I would've uploaded a photo of myself to show you my beard and 'stache (which can only be seen with microscopic vision) but I forgot. And so I will accept this...this insult, from Scott of Ergo Humour. I swear, if a blogospheric war ever breaks out, I'm joining the side he's not on.
Anyway, apparently the package comes with instructions.
I. Thank the person who insulted you. Or 'awarded' you. Whichever you prefer to call it. Thank you, Scott. Does this mean you have to thank me for the assassin I just sent for you?
II. Place the logo on your blog. I did that. And no small amount of internal conflict preceded that decision, believe me.
III. Link to your nemesis. Unless your nemesis didn't give you this award. In that case, link to the person who gave you the 'award.'
IV. List up to six outrageous lies about yourself and at least one outrageous truthful account. Very well. Excuse me for a second while I breathe deeply and switch into outrageous liar mode (Oh yes, there's a mode) 1) I have actually painted myself with woad and charged naked (Picts ftw, baby!) at people.
2) I own four swords ranging from the mid ninteenth century to the early twentieth century, and have wounded myself on accident with all of them.
3) I once filled my own nostrils with plumbers putty.
4) I once filled someone else's nostrils with plumber's putty.
5) I have actually plotted out a plan to take over the world using plumber's putty.
6) I have seriously considered editing the Wikipedia article on Plumber's putty to include that people sometimes use plumbers putty to seal their nostrils, or, more rarely, take over the world.
7) I have used moldy donuts as weapons.
8) I have killed small woodland creatures just to try and teach the attracted ravens to say 'Nevermore.'
9) Plumber's putty.
Anyway, I'm having too much fun with that lying business (but there are several truth's mixed in there) so I'll continue.
Next on the list of instructions:
V. Insult seven other bloggers by calling them bald-faced liars. Alrighty.
1) Zella at Zella Kate and Grammatically Motivated.
2) Kevin at Crazy and Crazier Thoughts of Kevin.
3) Arnorris at The Norris Ranch.
4) Mercwriter at Merc Rants.
5) Plumber's putty.
6) Plumbers.
7) Putty.
Those last three were because A) I love plumber's putty, and B) Most of you have been tagged already anyway!
(Please remember to vote on the poll at the bottom of the page, by the by)
I blame Rick Riordan. I was reading The Last Olympian.
See, usually I have a pretty passive relationship with reading. But when I start a book that I really like, I will cut off most other activities and just read. I did this with the Hunger Games as well (it took me less than two days to read that book). And so, with the final installment of the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series in hand, I forgot about blogging.
That doesn't excuse last Monday, though. Oh well. I'll find an excuse for Monday later. And then I'll find an excuse for not finding and excuse for Monday now.
Anyway, forgetfulness is not my only reason for posting.
THIS is my other reason. Now, I would've uploaded a photo of myself to show you my beard and 'stache (which can only be seen with microscopic vision) but I forgot. And so I will accept this...this insult, from Scott of Ergo Humour. I swear, if a blogospheric war ever breaks out, I'm joining the side he's not on.
Anyway, apparently the package comes with instructions.
I. Thank the person who insulted you. Or 'awarded' you. Whichever you prefer to call it. Thank you, Scott. Does this mean you have to thank me for the assassin I just sent for you?
II. Place the logo on your blog. I did that. And no small amount of internal conflict preceded that decision, believe me.
III. Link to your nemesis. Unless your nemesis didn't give you this award. In that case, link to the person who gave you the 'award.'
IV. List up to six outrageous lies about yourself and at least one outrageous truthful account. Very well. Excuse me for a second while I breathe deeply and switch into outrageous liar mode (Oh yes, there's a mode) 1) I have actually painted myself with woad and charged naked (Picts ftw, baby!) at people.
2) I own four swords ranging from the mid ninteenth century to the early twentieth century, and have wounded myself on accident with all of them.
3) I once filled my own nostrils with plumbers putty.
4) I once filled someone else's nostrils with plumber's putty.
5) I have actually plotted out a plan to take over the world using plumber's putty.
6) I have seriously considered editing the Wikipedia article on Plumber's putty to include that people sometimes use plumbers putty to seal their nostrils, or, more rarely, take over the world.
7) I have used moldy donuts as weapons.
8) I have killed small woodland creatures just to try and teach the attracted ravens to say 'Nevermore.'
9) Plumber's putty.
Anyway, I'm having too much fun with that lying business (but there are several truth's mixed in there) so I'll continue.
Next on the list of instructions:
V. Insult seven other bloggers by calling them bald-faced liars. Alrighty.
1) Zella at Zella Kate and Grammatically Motivated.
2) Kevin at Crazy and Crazier Thoughts of Kevin.
3) Arnorris at The Norris Ranch.
4) Mercwriter at Merc Rants.
5) Plumber's putty.
6) Plumbers.
7) Putty.
Those last three were because A) I love plumber's putty, and B) Most of you have been tagged already anyway!
(Please remember to vote on the poll at the bottom of the page, by the by)
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